Bartender's sittin'' them shots on the bar Those last two Jagar bombs hit me hard My best friend left and took the keys to my car Who's gonna take me home? That dad gum Jimmy he took me out back Pulled a Marlboro cigarette out of his cap Now I remember why I quit all that Who's gonna take me home? Well, I can't drive, I can't walk And I'm a little too high to crawl I'll hold up this wall Till I come down or the room stops spinnin' Gonna stand right here and chill out for a minute Standin' in the men's room waitin' on a stall Lean my head up against the cool concrete wall Hey there's a few numbers I guess I could call Who's gonna take me home? (Where's my cell phone?) Well, I can't drive, I can't walk And I'm a little too high to crawl I'll hold up this wall Till I come down or the room stops spinnin' Gonna stand right here, Oh wait just a minute! Twelve little hotties crammed in a back booth With a bachelorette all drinkin' Vermouth Lucky for there's just enough room Well hello girls, next round's on me Toast a few drinks to the bide to be Close the town down and then we'll see Who's gonna take me home? Yeah, who's gonna take me home? Yeah, who's gonna take me home? I can't drive I can't walk Too high To crawl Who's gonna take me home?