Help yourself to pretzels Help yourself to the minibar I couldn't help myself I read a self-help book Now I've gone too far Too far gone Unrecognisable Frightened of the message light On the phone on the bedside table Where is Gilligan's Island? Where do germs come from? Don't open the curtains I'm allergic to sun Room 29 I heard them say "Is the only place to stay" Room 29 Is where I'll face Myself alone A comfortable venue for a nervous breakdown A front row seat for a psychic shakedown I just had to laugh: Got so screwed up Is there anything sadder than a hotel room that hasn't been fucked in? I'd like to get a piece of that But I need an introduction I read an actress used to party in this place And do drugs off the piano If I lick will it still taste? A lifetime of spectating leaves you impotent Unable to join in without a frame of reference Watching the playback after the event Room 29 I heard them say "Is the only place to stay" Room 29 Is where I'll face Myself alone Holly has never grown here Though someone once tried But it died, almost immediately: The climate was too dry Yeah, this whole place is built on a lie But what a lie: The kind of lie that has the entire Western world agog 'Cause no one ever got turned on By the Whole Earth Catalog Unhealthy, unfair And extremely entertaining Room 29 Is where I'll face Myself alone Alone