Kick 'em when they're up Kick 'em when they're down Kick 'em when they're up Kick 'em when they're down Kick 'em when they're up Kick 'em when they're down Kick 'em when they're up Kick 'em all around I make my living off the evening news Just give me something, something I can use People love it when you lose They love dirty laundry Well, I could've been an actor, but I wound up here I just have to look good I don't have to be clear Come and whisper in my ear Give us dirty laundry Kick 'em when they're up Kick 'em when they're down Kick 'em when they're up Kick 'em all around We got the bubble-headed bleached-blonde Comes on at five She can tell you 'bout the plane crash With a gleam in her eye It's interesting when people die Give us dirty laundry Can we film the operation? Is the head dead yet? And all the boys in the newsroom Got a running bet Get the widow on the set We need dirty laundry Kick 'em when they're up Kick 'em when they're down Kick 'em when they're up Kick 'em when they're down Kick 'em when they're up Kick 'em when they're down Kick 'em when they're up Kick 'em all around Dirty little secrets Dirty little lies We got our dirty little fingers in everybody's pies We love to cut you down to size We love dirty laundry We can do the innuendo We can dance and sing When it's said and done, we haven't told you a thing We all know that crap is king Give us dirty laundry Kick 'em when they're up Kick 'em when they're down Kick 'em when they're up Kick 'em when they're down Kick 'em when they're up Kick 'em when they're down Kick 'em when they're up Kick 'em all around